


That Isn't How You Do It

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Because JohnDave, But it's cool because they work together, Copping a feel, Dave is super cool, High School AU, I hope you will because I enjoyed writing it, I'm Serious, I'm going now bye, I'm super superstitious, If it's a tag I'm going to cry, Is this a tag?, It is to help my superstition, John not so much, M/M, Oneshot, Shotgunning, This is my fourteenth work, enjoy this, i'm also bad at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave teaches John how to smoke, kisses him, and cops a feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Isn't How You Do It

**Author's Note:**

> HAHAHEHHI what am I doing with my life.
> 
> This, this is what.
> 
> Enjoy. Hope it isn't utter garbage, took me like forty to fifty minutes to complete.

You aren’t friends. Dave Strider is on an entirely different social standard, a lot higher on the ladder than you could ever make it. He’s friends with people like Aradia Megido and Vriska Serket, Sollux Captor on some days and Karkat Vantas on others. All of the “cool” and “popular” people. Not you and your buddies, Rose Lalonde and Jade Harley and sometimes, when he’s feeling up to it, Karkat. He’s the only cool kid in school who isn’t afraid to cross paths with the three of you, for fear of scarring his reputation, but according to him he gives no shits about it (even though he does.)

You never really were friends with Dave, though. He gave you his animal crackers once, but they were apparently peanut butter ones and they landed you in the hospital with a swollen face that didn’t go down for weeks. From thereon you hated him, even though it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t know you were allergic to peanuts. You were only five and logic worked a lot different back then, okay? But now, the two of you aren’t friends simply because your differing social standards don’t allow it.

“Why do you ache to be friends with him?” Rose asks one day, while the two of you are sitting underneath a shady tree. She has a book by her side and tea in her hand, even though it’s at least eighty degrees outside and something like lemonade or water would be an ideal beverage for the sweltering heat. Whatever, she’s weird like that. You haven’t really been conversing with her, more focused on watching Dave smoke with that one kid, Gamzee, by his side.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You mumble back, paying very little attention to Rose. Watching the two of them smoke is a lot more intriguing, much better than Rose’s boring lectures that go on forever and ever. “What makes you think I want to be friends with Dave? We aren’t even close social wise, so--”

Rose cuts you off with the flick of her wrist, and you scowl at how rude she is, but you suppose that’s just how she is just like you’re nerdy. It can’t be changed. “It matters not where the two of you have climbed to on a social ladder, John. You practically drool over him day by day, though you think you’re good at hiding it, despite the fact that you aren’t even close to subtle. Go talk to him.”

You gasp. “No!”

The blonde’s lips upturn. She’s amused by you. “Yes, or I will.”

You jump to your feet, then. Rose would prattle on to Dave about various things you’ve done, stupid things, because you’ve been friends for years and she knows practically everything about you. “Fine, god, but if I get embarrassed I’ll blame you.”

You know, one-hundred percent, that Rose is watching you. Gamzee sees you first, throws you a smile that’s almost knowing, and crushes his cigarette with the heel of his foot. Then he just leaves, and Dave doesn’t go after him, because it’s quite obvious he doesn’t care. This might even be something Gamzee always does, you don’t know; it isn’t everyday you watch them smoke together. You get pretty close before you’re ready to run back over to Rose, but then Dave says, “Hi, Egbert,” and you are trapped.

Rose is standing now, leaning against the tree, smirking over her tea. You flip her off, even though you generally won’t resort to something like that. “Um, hello, Dave. You know my name?” Wow, that was a stupid question. He just said your last name, which means he knows it. He raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. “Wow, sorry. That was a really really really stupid thing of me to ask.”

“Jesus, you’re almost fuckin’ shaking with nervousness,” He states, flicking his old cigarette away and lighting a new one. You wonder how much cancer he’s been breathing into his lungs each day, for how long. “Calm the hell down, I ain’t gonna punch you in the face or anything. Is there somethin’ you wanted?”

You don’t really know what you’d wanted. Him, but you guess that really isn’t a satisfactory answer and it also sounds stalkerish. So you answer with the next thing that comes to mind, even though you don’t think you should have. “To smoke. I want to smoke a cigarette, can you teach me?”

And he stares, incredulous. Then passes you his cigarette. “Knock yourself out, but don’t inhale too fast. Kar did that the first time, almost fuckin’ keeled over.” You assume that by Kar he means Karkat, and you almost laugh at the thought of him almost dying from inhaling cigarette smoke too fast. But the mental laughter dies down when you do the same thing, but yours isn’t quite as bad as his had sounded -- you have a little coughing fit, and then it’s over.

Dave shakes his head. “You’re shit at that,” He comments, taking another drag off of the cigarette. Your lips had touched it. His also had. Did that count as kissing? Boy do you sound like a five year old girl. And your thoughts are officially everywhere. “Alright, since you can’t smoke to save your life, I’m gonna show you somethin’. Part your lips and keep ‘em parted, okay?” He instructs, and you do not want to do that so you keep your mouth shut tight.

“I’m not gonna shove my dick in your mouth. Just do it.”

You don’t like that analogy, but it’s exactly what you’d been thinking, so you breathe a sigh and part your lips. Dave nods, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and taking a long, drawn-out drag from it. Then, he grabs your shoulders and grips them, gentler than you would’ve assumed from him, parts his lips and presses them to yours. You squeak as he blows the smoke from his mouth to yours, then steps back with his ever-stoic expression, but there’s a ghost of a smirk on his lips. You know from all of those times Rose had been on the verge of grinning at you. “Count to ten and blow it out.”

If you didn’t have smoke in your mouth, you’d sass him. Instead, you count to ten and expel a long breath, watching the smoke coil and curl in the air. That was a lot better than trying to do it yourself, you guess. “Good. Most people suck the smoke down when they’re shotgunnin’ for the first time, ‘m surprised you were so good at it, Egbert.”

“Um, thanks?” You splutter, trying to ignore how hot your cheeks feel. Dave Strider thinks you’re good at something. This is the biggest day of your life, you’ll have to go home and tell your dad, maybe he’ll bake you a cake that says ‘congratulations on getting noticed by senpai.’ You take a minute to examine how much taller than you Dave is, counting that it’s at least seven, if not more, inches. You’re only five feet tall. While you’re deep in thought, he leans down and captures your lips in his, and then you’re jumping and squealing into his mouth like a girl. He chuckles breathily and steps back, looking so casual that you envy him.

“Sorry, your concentration face is cute,” He explains. “You look kinda dazed, and you bite at your bottom lip with those buckteeth of yours. You’re pretty fuckin’ cool, why haven’t you talked to me before?”

Because you were nervous. You still are, even moreso now that Dave Strider himself has called you “cool.” “I could ask you the same thing.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Touche. You don’t seem like the witty type, Egbert.”

“Well, I am. I bet you’ve misjudged a lot of things about me.” You respond, laying a hand on his shoulder and standing on your tiptoes. You press your lips to his in a chaste kiss, then drop back on your flat feet and ignore the urge to itch your ankles when some gravel flies up and hits them. He leans down and catches your lips in his again, then slides his hand down your back and slips something into your pocket. When he cops a feel, you squeak into his mouth and he laughs, just a bit. You’re proud to have broken his stoic exterior twice today. You should get an award for this.

He kisses your cheek the final time, and a blush flourishes. Dammit! You were fine the other times, and now you’re the color of a ripe tomato. He waves, then turns to jog in the other direction, where Aradia and Vriska are waiting expectantly for him. They’re both tapping their feet, and you wonder for a brief second how long they’d been waiting. Then you turn and walk back to Rose, who has an amused smirk on her lips. “Strider certainly went for it, didn’t he?”

Your blush worsens. You hate Rose. “Shut up!”

She only smirks wider. “What did he shove into your back pocket before copping a feel?”

“Shut _up_!” You whine, reaching to pull the paper out. His number is scribbled on it in red sharpie, and you wonder if he always carries it with him or if he’d just sensed that he was going to need it today. There is also a little comment under it, you don’t even know when he’d had the time to write that down, and you blush harder. Rose is laughing behind you.

touching your ass was a gratifying experience for me

everything is right in the striderverse

Rose continues to laugh like a madwoman, and you feel absolutely _done_.

**Author's Note:**

> tHE DESCRIPTION AND TITLE WERE HORRIBAD SORRY.
> 
> But shotgunning will be in one of my stories, and I just wanted to write JohnDave shotgunning in another instance first. This was my trial run. HOW DID I DO???
> 
> This entire thing probably sucked, but who cares. Thank you for reading.


End file.
